I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
