whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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