I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
