When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
