But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
