I can tuck mytits in my pants
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
