Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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