Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
