remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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