Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
