Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
