Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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