The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
