Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
