Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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