Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
