the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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