she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
