in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
