she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
