I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
