i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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