Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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