Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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