Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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