Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
