All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
