the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
