He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
