So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
