I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
