Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
