your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
