Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
