He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
