You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
