Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
