im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
