I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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