the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
