If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
