he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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