i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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