well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
