Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
