It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
