saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
