so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
