I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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