i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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