ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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