that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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