Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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