This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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