I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My liver just broke up with me...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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